When communication in a relationship breaks down, the relationship just fuels a free ride to a dead end. In an Interview with Aura, our guest (who prefers to remain anonymous) has been married for six years with 3 kids and his story affirms that as cliche as it sounds, communication is indeed the key to a successful relationship.
“We met during our service year and I made up my mind to live this service year as an independent bachelor, away from my parent’s care, and if possible find love,” he said while speaking on their growth through communication.
“When we first started our journey as a couple, I won’t lie, there was this superiority thing from my end. I had this mindset that I’m incharge and should call all the shots. My lovely wife, however, was very radical and vocal. She would always speak her mind and ensure her opinions are heard at all times. This instigated an atmosphere of competition or battle for control. Every conversation seemed like a tug of war. I had to let her win for peace to reign but there wasn’t ever any true peace. She began to realize I was done fighting”
There is usually some unspoken pride between parties involved in communication disputes on who to initiate the conversation. More often than not, we never see ourselves as being wrong or being the offender. We expect the other party to know where they wronged us and make the first move towards reconciliation. This is a common flaw we are most likely guilty of and there’s no shame in it. It’s human nature! But just because it’s natural to feel this way doesn’t mean we shouldn’t take steps to improve and develop.
“One of the things that led to the two-year separation was her relationship with her ex and odd friendly interaction with one of our supervisors who was famous for his relationship with younger women. Her ex was always coming over, hanging out and I felt she started feeling she could play around. I blame that on naivety and childishness now. Our supervisor was also very flirtatious. He frequently made passes like he wanted to be a sugar Daddy. As her man, I didn’t like the scenario. I approached her to clear the air and she didn’t understand my question, she felt I was accusing her of cheating. I also became very defensive and before I knew it, things escalated. After living apart for a while and not speaking to each other for a very long while, she sent me a text requesting to see me. I asked her to come over if she wants. She did and we talked about everything, she showed me text messages with her ex when she was turning down his advances. I feel if we decided to talk earlier all the time we spent separated could have been utilized but I was waiting for her to make the first move when I could have just calmly asked.”
Communication strengthens relationships and whatever bond one may have with one's partner. Both verbal and non-verbal communication are so important to the growth of the couple and intimacy between them. Good communication is also linked to living longer and healthier lives as you’re happier and less stressed!
“Right now, we are at a stage where we understand each other almost perfectly. Looking at our journey as a couple, we’ve been through so much both bad and good, I know we will be together forever. I remember more recently when we were talking one day and I jokingly reminded her of our days of daily dispute and we laughed over it. If we ever have any disagreement now the children are around, we just go to the room and settle it. We know the children need to learn how to be responsible from us.”
Keep in mind that for communication to be most effective, all parties involved don’t only need to talk, they also need to find the root of the dispute and deal with it so it doesn’t arise again. Communicating and discussing the root causes also encourages the couple to grow together as they learn what their partner needs from them as well as practical ways to make each other feel safe, loved, and understood.