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Gaya

Let’s be honest. At some point, many of us have confused loving someone with loving the person we believe they could become. And, most likely, it didn’t end well. Because the truth is that the best you can do is support them. You cannot love someone into becoming their potential or a completely different person.

Perhaps, after things went south, you spent a long time blaming them for changing overnight, becoming unserious, or emotionally unavailable. But what if they didn’t actually change?

What if you were just so fixated on the perfect version of them in your head that you never really paid attention to who they were in real life?

Go through this checklist. And if any of these sound painfully familiar, our verdict might be correct… You were in love with their potential and not them.

☐ You’re more excited about who they could become than who they are right now.

☐ “They’ll change” has become one of your most-used phrases.

☐ You constantly explain their behaviour to your friends instead of accepting it for what it is.

☐ Their dreams impress you more than the effort they’re actually putting into achieving them.

☐ You keep waiting for them to finally “get it together".

☐ You’re still holding onto the person they were when you first met, even though they haven’t been that person in a long time.

☐ You find yourself giving them unsolicited life advice more often than simply enjoying being with them.

☐ You’ve already planned a future they haven’t actually shown they’re ready to build.

☐ You give them credit for qualities they have never consistently demonstrated.

☐ You believe a new job, more money, graduation, marriage, or another major milestone will magically fix the problems in your relationship.

☐ You’re constantly looking for tiny improvements just to convince yourself that they’re finally changing.

☐ You’re more invested in their growth than they seem to be.

☐ You keep lowering your standards because “they’re trying".

☐ You’re attracted to their ambition but constantly frustrated by their lack of action.

☐ You regularly catch yourself thinking, “If they would just…”

☐ You’re afraid to leave because you might miss out on the person they eventually become.

☐ You spend more time imagining your future together than enjoying the relationship you actually have.

☐ You’re constantly comparing the real person to the version of them you’ve created in your head.

☐ You love the story of your relationship more than what the relationship actually feels like.

☐ Deep down, you’re waiting for them to become someone you actually want to be with.

There’s nothing wrong with believing in someone’s potential. In fact, one of the true tests of loving someone is being able to see possibilities in them beyond who they are today.

But there’s a difference between supporting someone’s growth and making their potential the condition for your love. Ask yourself: “Would I love them more when they changed than I do today?”

If your answer is yes, it proves you’ve been dating an imaginary future version of your partner, and it’s time to be for real with yourself first…and then with them.&nbsp;

Are you in love with who they are or who you hope they’ll become? Here are 20 signs you’re dating their potential, not the person in front of you.



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