Life & Love

Can I Give My Husband Back? Or Not

“Curiosity kills the cat”, they say, well satisfaction will save it. Here is information you didn’t know you needed to know. We asked 8 new generation wives a question, “who do married women talk to?” and they had quite a lot to say.

By Adora Nwachukwu

August 01, 2022

Can I Give My Husband Back? Or Not

Do you ever wonder what becomes of life after “I do”?  Because I do(pun intended). Every day and I mean it, every day, people make promises to love someone for the rest of their lives, whilst remaining loyal, truthful, and honest to them. We see the glamour, the white dress, the black suit, the beautiful halls and the tantalising meals and everybody is happy. No one ever questions the “what next” though, except the bride and groom of course. 


 

“Curiosity kills the cat”, they say, well satisfaction will save it. Here is information you didn’t know you needed to know. We asked 8 new generation wives a question, “who do married women talk to?” and they had quite a lot to say. 


 

First of all, who do you talk to? 

Grace 


 

God. I look at these newly wedded people filled with glee and excitement at marriage and I mock them because they don’t know what they are in for. My husband and I were once like that, we would talk every time late into the night but now, omo, e get as e be. I scarcely even see the man. He leaves home before I wake and doesn’t come back till very late. I am sure he does it deliberately to avoid conversation with me. Before, we used to cook together, but now he doesn’t even eat the meals I cook for him and I don’t even bother anymore. Who do I talk to? My mother and my colleagues. I work at the Local government office and there is always entertainment, the women and their gist. I can easily forget myself while at work. 


 

Kemi  


 

I talk to my husband.  Besides my mum and sisters, my husband is my best friend in the whole world and you will be surprised how much we have to say, learn, laugh about, gossip about, and even fight about. I also have a couple of friends, not as many as when I was at Uni though. I had not finished university when my husband proposed and I also had not graduated when we had our wedding. When my husband and I started getting serious, I automatically dropped some friends, I couldn’t hang out with people who wanted to go clubbing every other day, our perspectives changed and I had to start acting like someone who could shoulder responsibility. Moving to Lagos also meant I had to leave some friends behind but as I mentioned earlier, I still have a couple of friends I talk to.  I don’t give details of my marriage to people so whenever there is an issue, I talk to God. 

Chioma


 

I have friends. I was engaged for the longest time so I retained my old friends and made newer friends. My newer friends consist of my husband’s friends and their wives or fiancees. We have similarities so those kinds of friendships are easier to maintain. People think marriage is bondage as you lose touch with your youthful exuberance, but I tell them– sooner or later, you will lose touch with those things anyway. As you grow and work, you have less and less time for people and your circle shrinks, before you know it, you can only pick out a few people as friends. It is also important that you and your husband are friends as well as lovers. Trust me, there is no one you’ll rather have a conversation with than your husband. 


 

Dami 


 

No one really, my daughter is 5, what can I be discussing with her? My husband was always trying to fuck my friends and I would always defend him to save myself the embarrassment I lost a couple of friends and I know they must have told other people so I changed my number and blocked everyone out of my life. My daughter is my priority. I will raise her to be an independent woman so she isn’t a burden like me and she will be able to leave any man who disrespects her. Me? I can’t leave, I’m stuck in this marriage and every day, I feel my sanity leaving me. 



 

Sarah 


 

My marriage was an arranged one so it was hard for me at first because I stopped talking to many of my friends who sneered at the idea of an arranged marriage. I was very scared, but if I am anything, it’s unrelenting. My husband is a very shy man and we seldom talked before we got married. He works remotely as I do too, so we were mostly indoors with a house so quiet ghosts could have been the occupants. I learnt to play the games he liked and the first time I offered to play with him, he was so surprised but also excited. Playing that one game, I realised how much of a chatterbox my husband is. It was as if someone had been pushing back waves with a strong gate and then suddenly let go. I still have a few friends who I chat with occasionally but my husband and I are so introverted, we are all the other has. We have decided to change that though, we want to start hanging out with more married couples so please if you have any idea on how we can do that, let us know. We are open to making friends.


 

Biola


 

I’d say, my colleagues. I work at the bank so most of my time is spent at work so normally, my colleagues are a part of my life. Among them, I have best friends and friends turned family. During the weekends though, my husband and I use the time to catch up. We are both very busy people so we don’t spend much time at home except during weekends when we go on dates or go clubbing. 

Maryam


 

I am a stay-at-home mum and my husband is an entrepreneur, most times he is at home but when he is not, I am too occupied keeping our baby company to chat or go out but the people I talk to are my sisters-in-law. The age gap between us is not a lot and it was easy to make friends with them, they are around often so we gist, spend quality girls' time together, and play dress-up for my baby and like that my days are eventful. 



 

Beatrice 


 

My sisters and my mother sha. 

What kind of people do you befriend now?


 

Grace 

I don’t have any boundaries of friendship. My husband couldn’t be bothered about who I talked to or don’t talk to. We are just roommates living together, we don’t talk at all. We don’t even sleep in the same room anymore. I can’t remember the last time we had sex. I chat on WhatsApp occasionally with the people at work. I’m a broadcast sharing expert, it keeps me busy at least. 


 

Kemi 

Since I got married, I can count the number of friends I have made on one hand. Not many at all, I think I conceived on my wedding night and the moment I realised I was with child, I became more guarded. I have been told that I’m very superstitious but abeg o. The evil eye is real. But since I gave birth, I’ve made a couple of new mom friends. I usually meet them at doctors’ appointments, they give me lots of tricks and tips for my baby. 


 

Chioma 

Mostly partners of my husband sha. My husband has a circle of about 10 guys and they have been friends forever, so it's just kind of a given that I’ll be friends with the wives or fiancees of his friends. Besides them, maybe a few acquaintances, the woman who is a regular at the salon where I make my hair, or a neighbour in the estate.  



 

Dami 

I don’t make friends but the people I talk to are much older women, women in their late 40s or 50s. The older, the better. At least, my husband won’t try to sleep with someone’s grandmother. I’m not doing it for me, I'm doing it for my baby. Imagine my husband trying to sleep with her classmates' mothers and they ask their children to stop playing with my baby. God forbid. 



 

Sarah 

As I mentioned, my husband and I are open to making new friends o. I think our neighbours are scared of us. In our desperation to make new friends, we kept pulling American movie styles on them. We will always invite them to games night, dinner, lunch, and breakfast. These people are both bankers so they leave early and return late, they must think of us as the idlest pair they have ever met. They avoid us so much, it's funny. 


 

Biola

Truthfully, I don’t have the time to befriend anyone now. I am 4 months pregnant and I’m still working. I’m just trying to work very hard and scrape every penny I can together before going on maternity leave. Also, I have been thinking of a career switch or something because the bank doesn’t give much time for maternity leave and with the way the world is turning out these days, I want to be very present in my child’s life. At least, in the early years. If I pick up a career as a writer, a virtual assistant, or anything that isn’t hardcore tech and doesn’t require me to be physically present, I will be present in my family and also support my husband with the finances. So you see, making new friends is not on my mind right now but again, we don’t plan life’s occurrences, I don’t know what can happen. 


 

Maryam

I get bored sometimes when my husband is not at home and my sisters-in-law are not around to hang out and it’s just me and our baby. In times like this, I stroll to the estate park and hang out with the other mummies bringing their children out too. 



 

Beatrice 

I’m not allowed to make friends. My husband is a major bully. I don’t have much to say. When you have a husband like mine, you will understand. I don’t pray for my marriage to my worst enemy sha. 



 

Now that you are married, do you still have men drama? (e.g. ex suitors drama)

Grace 


 

At first, when love was still shakking me, I blocked all my male contacts but now, I give my number out when asked o. I know I won’t do anything with these men but I like the attention. I like being reminded that I'm beautiful. 

Kemi 


 

Omo, I know some mad people so immediately after my husband proposed to me like this, I blocked my exes and blocked the people who unrelentingly asked me out even when I mentioned that I was seeing someone. I mean if I didn’t, how would I explain to my husband if he sees a chat from someone who used to ask me out and is still asking me out?  People won’t respect your boundaries, sometimes, you have to request it with force. It doesn’t mean I still don’t get asked out. People will see my giant ring on my finger and still ask me to date them. In my 9th month of pregnancy, I was so heavy and ugly and one man approached me to marry him.  I was so annoyed, and I burst into tears from the frustration. I still have male friends, classmates and all those who just view my status and go. Sometimes, we exchange hellos and hi’s and that’s all.

Chioma 


 

I don’t have many of those, to begin with. I didn’t get asked out a lot and the ones who did whom I wasn’t interested in were blocked immediately. No time. I have never really had an issue with someone disrespecting my boundaries because I have always been very clear with those.