How Not To Date In Nigeria

Life & Love

How Not To Date In Nigeria

People yearn for relationships. People yearn for intimacy, it’s only human. That is why scammers and most online swindlers use romantic relationships at the forefront of their scams.

By Iverson Akhigbe

August 01, 2022

With dating apps that are plentiful on the internet, there are a million ways to meet a million people and further your relationships with them. Nigerian dating websites are one of the most visited websites in Africa!

People who are searching for love, sex, relationships, and hookups get their prayers answered on these websites. These websites are also open to foreigners and usually have more males than females. Apps and websites like Tinder, Naija Planet, Naija Dating, Truly African, and eHarmony are interacting hotspots where dating and sensuous conversations are encouraged.

Not all women are fans of dating Nigerian men or going on a date with them. Women have gone on dates and met men below their expectations and vice versa for the men. They could be handsome or beautiful and be perverts. Or they could be ugly and unable to make conversations outside sex or superficial topics. Except you are Doctor Strange and can see into the future, preparing for the unknown always comes in handy.

If you remember the popular sitcom When you are mine, you probably still bear in mind the romantic intensity that was the love story of Paloma and Diego. While Hollywood’s version of romance and love gestures may not be a realistic picture of romance, dates are one of the necessary rituals to earn a romantic spot in any relationship. Here are some things to keep in mind when navigating the dating scene in Nigeria:

In Nigeria, the man has the pocket and the woman needs to just sit back and be taken care of.

While this might appear biased, it is the basic rule of most relationships. Traditional etiquette demands that the man asks the lady out and pays for their time out together. The lady is expected to look nice and spark interesting conversation for them to engage in.

Even though this is the typical scenario, people can do whatever they want! People now know that they don’t have to stick to all the rules “just because”. So by all means, females can ask guys out and also pay for the date. While this is not as common as the first scenario, it definitely still is an option for many people. Same-sex couples may not run into this issue as much as cisgender couples because they know that in any case, the only thing that matters is that both parties involved are comfortable and have fun!

Conversation matters!

Most first-date conversations have to do with how well each party is doing in life. Nobody comes to date to lament about the disappointment and heartaches in their life, career, or family. Dating is not therapy. In Nigeria, it is about opening yourself to someone at the risk of being seen as someone that is dateable or not. It is about gauging whether the person is someone to invest in or a person to ditch.

Location, location, location!

Many dates held in a private residence have sometimes led to rape or worse and so, dating in public is highly encouraged. Especially for women, who are often the victims of abuse during dates. Choosing the venue is a safer way of avoiding unwanted or dangerous situations.It’s better to be in a public, loud place that you can easily leave rather than being stuck somewhere you might not be able to leave or get any help.

Know why you’re dating

Dating is the stairwell of introduction and getting to know a potential partner. While some use it as a medium to get to understand each other in a cozy and fun atmosphere, some people turn it into a food fest and bring out takeaway packs to carry food and snacks back home. There are others who use their partners as an ATM to live on or someone who they can dump their reasons on.

Whatever your reason for dating may be, try to be honest and clear about your intentions. That way, all parties know what to expect in the relationship and unnecessary heartache can be avoided.

Not every piece of advice is good advice

Most people are not bold enough to initiate the dating process. They might be too shy for conversation. They might find themselves lost in words when texting. And so, they take to social media and take advice from relationship influencers. Whether toxic or healthy, they spoon-feed themselves with this advice and initiate it in their relationships.

Some of this advice ranges from,

“Do not respond immediately to text messages. . . Pretend you are busy and reply in half an hour. . .  Never initiate the text. . . Always be the one to end the phone call first. Don’t appear needy, instead, send pictures of something fun you are doing. . .  Create moments where the person is scared of missing out which will make them agree eagerly the next time they’re invited out . . . “

These are some very toxic guidelines when it comes to dating. They are one-sided and they promote the belief that the other party aren’t rational thinkers but jobless entities waiting at the beck and call of the person they’re interested in.

Dating is one of the best ways of understanding one’s self through the eyes of another. It is a very important aspect of building relationships and should not be skipped. Most people who engage in healthy relationships get a better understanding of themselves and their partner which helps create a balance in life and love.